graffiti on a cyber wall

The winter solstice.
The end of the world and so far we've survived.
The first day of my


 

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I looked at a couple of motor homes in the grocery store parking lot this afternoon.

 

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I was going back through my iPhone pictures for this month and noticed more stuffed animals than usual..

Sometimes I go to a dark place.  I feel sad, down in the dumps, lonely, unloved, unlovable, and depressed.  At times I'm willing to roll over, say uncle, and just give up the game.  In these times the struggle becomes too much.  I feel weighted down, old, tired, and rejected.  I know this dark place well.   I've visited here many times.  I know where my favorite bench is, the one under the dead tree by the barren wasteland of despair.  Yes, it is a familiar place. As terrible as this place may sound, I've been there so often I kind of like it.  I'm comfortable there.  It is safe sad place.  No one can harm me.  All my walls are up and no one else is allowed.
 
I should give this place a name.  Any suggestions?   Maybe I could have a 'name the place' contest.
    
So the question I've been asked to blog about is how do I escape this place.  I have to ask myself if I know an answer.  Not sure I do.  But there are some things I do that shine a bit of light into my soul when it is dark.

1. I have to desire to leave this dark, desolate place. Not an easy shift to make when I'm comfortably encased in the safe cocoon of self-pity.
2. I listen to positive, upbeat music.
Which means I stop listening to sad, depressing music.
3. I read positive, encouraging quotes and blogs.
4. I light candles, burn incense, and turn on Christmas lights I keep up year round.
5. I go outside and/or let the sun shine in.
Sun light, especially warm sunshine, does wonders for my mood.
6. I go to public places and people watch.
One of the things I don't do that I probably should do is reach out to my friends and family. I've never been good at that even when I'm in my happy place. I always feel like I'm an unwelcome intruder in their lives. That is probably something about me that will never change. Or maybe it is part of the egg I'm trying to crack.  I don't know the answer to that question either.
7. I meditate and center myself in the present moment once more.
When I'm wandering the dark recesses of my soul I'm living inside my mind.  Inside my head the world is small.  When I'm mindfully in the present, the world is spacious and filled with limitless possibilities. 

8. I take photos.
Taking pictures is a Zen, meditative, present moment, seeing, open thing for me.  If you look at my photos, you can see the difference between the ones I've taken in unhappy times and the ones I've taken in happy times. 
9. I write. 
Writing isn't something I do well.  It is always a stretch for me. 
By writing I move from being all closed up tight to being open a little bit.  Some of the best poems I've written were written from a dark place.

DANCE!