graffiti on a cyber wall

Happy Halloween

  

The other day I posed this question on Facebook:  "Is creating a new life worth releasing the story of my old life?"
The comments that got me thinking. Here is what they said.  The names have been changed to numbers.

1: You must be going through some serious soul searching and I would say remember and let go, then just let the new happen. Mostly have fun.
2: You're the one who taught me that.
3: Just enjoy and whatever happens does. Your 'old life' is part of who you are... you just have to 'release' the bad feelings about it.
2: Yeah. I'm a part of your "old life" and I'm not going anywhere

That thinking business isn't always a good thing.

The question has many meanings, but for me it addresses the change in income, lifestyle, and living conditions I'm embarking upon.  Devesting myself of most my possession (many with memories attached) selling this house, moving into a motorhome, and retireing from teaching is scary sometimes.  It doesn't help that I am doing it alone for the most part.  From when I was married I remember adventures be easier to embark upon with a co-conspirator.
  
I know all the right thoughts for doing this.  I teach them and believe them.  Stepping forward believing the ground is there is the right thought.  Fear of the unknown creeps in now and again. 
   
Of course, there are people who are part of my 'old life' who will still be in my 'new life'.  They are people I know love me and people I know I can depend on.  That of course is 'right' thinking in this case. 
Making these kinds of changes doesn't happen easily. They don't happen without feelings and they definitely don't happen without a lot of thought and planning. 
  
I guess I just have a lot to think about and a lot to feel as the beginning of this adventure draws near.
I can't blame anyone but myself. After all, this is MY evil plan.  muhahahaha
    

 “How can we ever expect to change anything if we are unable to shape our own sexual and core experiences? If we continue to feel oppressed, repressed, and victimized by something that happened chapters ago in our life, by the rules of behavior fed to us by the religious right, neoconservatives, our parents, our culture, and the media, how can we imagine ever changing or having an influence on anything? When will we get our priorities in order and start saying no to political and religious meddling that is mucking up the sanctity of relationships, pleasure, and our spiritual destinies?”~ “Sex and the Intelligence of the Heart” by Julie McIntyre via  Rethink Everything

   

 A good friend tagged me.  She wants me to play the box game.
So here we go.
This game begins with a list of the boxes people have tried to squeeze me into.  I'll start with the most recent because those are the ones I'll remember first. None of these are bad or good unless taken individually.  If all I'm seen as is one facet of who I am then I'm not being seen at all.

The old box
The invisibility box.  This box is closely related to the old box.  It seems once you are placed in the old box you are also placed in this box.  It is odd to not be seen a lot of the time.
The father box
The son box - since my parent's died this box has gone away
The husband box - after the divorce, this box was gone
The grandfather box
The parent box
The friend box
The substance abuser box
The pot farmer box
The preacher box
The hippie box
The crazy box
The eccentric box
The weird box
The dirty old man box
The pervert box
The photographer box
The artist box
The professor box
The AS/400 guru box
The 'nice guy' box
The Jesus freak box
The Christian box
The sinner box
The lonely box
The sad box
The depressed box
The 'takes too many chances' box
The 'needs to act his age' box
The 'good teacher' box

What is more of the truth about me?  I'll put a list for you to read.  If you pick one from the list or several or all of them to be who I am you've still missed seeing me.  I'll be pixelated.  There is no way a list of labels can share who I am.
I tried to teach my children this little song:

The word is not the thing
The word is not the thing
hi ho the dairy-o
The word is not the thing!



I seek out the beauty, joy, and love in life.
I like to find the best in others.
I'll trust you until you prove to me I can't.
I encourage others to follow their passion and find their bliss.
I think all beings deserve basic dignity and respect.
I find discrimination in all its forms abhorrent.
I won't waste my time arguing with people who can no longer see or hear.
I'm heterosexual
I smoke
I drink
I don't buy and cook meat to eat at the house.
I like to eat food I've never tasted.
I seek out new and different ideas and things.
I think change is good.
Attachment is a trap.
I'm not afraid of death.  It came with the ride.
I'm a Zen, Taoist kind of Christian with  a little Hindu thought tossed in for seasoning.
I meditate and pray daily.
The God I worship has no gender or ethnicity and is totally beyond the scope of my imagination
I'm present moment oriented.  I don't want to miss anything while thinking of the past or future.
I believe unconditional love surrounds us all the time especially when it looks like it doesn't.
I live alone and sometimes I'm lonely.
I'm gregarious. 
I'm not afraid.  I walk in faith.
I don't watch television very often.
I believe the universe provides.
I believe less is more. I think the current term is minimalist. 
I'm creative.
I love to take pictures.
I'm modest.
I'm not a people pleaser.
I'm  not confrontational unless I believe speaking up will actually change something. 
I don't try to change other people....working on me is a full time job.
I'm selective about my companions preferring optimistic, creative, intelligent, educated, fun people.
I'm Ra, Star father
I'm a good computer programmer
I'm a good teacher and have taught most my adult life (not always as a college professor).
I have three degrees.  My Master's degree is my terminal degree.  I didn't finish the research paper for my Phd and don't regret that one bit.
I'm divorced
I'm loved and I love.
I like to hug and be hugged.
My children mean the world to me.
I am a little eccentric and crazy, just like everyone else.
I'm not a big believer in western medicine as it is practiced in the US.
I love living in America.
I'm more liberal than conservative.
I don't 'know' and that doesn't bother me.
I believe everything is one thing and any separation I feel is an illusion.
My thoughts are not who I am.
I like Christmas lights
If you want to know me better, look at my pictures.

And remember, the word is not the thing.

This is the bedroom.  Note the pocket doors that can be closed to separate the two rooms. The bed was particularly comfy.  On the right of the picture you can barely see the doorway leading to a small kitchen (sink, stove, and fridge).  The doorway to the left of the dresser goes to the bathroom.
I would stay here again. It is a nice room and I enjoyed staying there while visiting New Orleans.